Regretting Motherhood: When Women Regret Being Mothers

In 2015 , Israeli sociologist Orna Donath published a study called “Regretting Motherhood.” She interviewed Israeli women from different social classes and with different religious backgrounds. Most women are married, some divorced. The study was based on the following question: If you could go back in time with the knowledge and experience you have today, would you become a mother again? All women who answered “no” shared a strong feeling of being trapped in their role as mothers. They said they love their children, but at the same time hate being trapped in the role of mother.

For many mothers it is certainly incomprehensible to regret having brought a child into the world. Because from childhood on, being a mother is equated with happiness, fulfillment and as a goal in life. And yet many women feel pressured to become mothers. Because having a child means having responsibility and completely changing your own life at the same time.

This external determination restricts mothers who are affected by Regretting Motherhood . It becomes a psychological burden, even if they love their children. Social expectations increase the pressure.

The reasons are varied. Many women experience negative experiences during pregnancy. Be it medical complications or constantly raining down and unwanted advice from those around you. Some women find it difficult to form an emotional bond with their child after giving birth.

But the imbalance in distribution between parents, lack of time for oneself, for hobbies and friendships, unrealistic ideals of what a mother should be, too little recognition, unplanned pregnancies or a lack of support for mothers (and especially single mothers) can also be reasons.

Show more understanding

Negative statements about the mother's role are breaking a taboo. That's why those affected often don't dare to talk about their emotions. This is exactly what would help those affected: understanding. Open conversations, including with other affected people, make it easier to overcome emotional lows. External support, especially from your own partner and your close circle, is important here. Because the feeling of being alone in this only brings greater despair.

Those affected can primarily consciously allow time for themselves by delegating tasks and accepting help from their partner and other people. Dealing with the topic strengthens your self-esteem. Mindfulness exercises that can be integrated into everyday life or writing down grief and worries also help. Exchanging ideas with like-minded people reduces the feeling of loneliness.

It is understandable that those affected do not want to talk about their problem personally and directly, especially at the beginning. There are numerous groups on social media or forums that make it possible to exchange ideas with people on an equal footing while remaining protected by a certain degree of anonymity.

If you want to go a step further, you can join regional groups that discuss the topic at face-to-face meetings. There are also professional offers of help from therapists.

Photos: Shutterstock